a rough week...

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." —Ephesians 4:29

i had a really convicting quiet time yesterday and am still meditating on it. growing up i always associated these verses with complaining, cursing, coarse jokes, etc. yesterday i realized it even entails how i interact with my children. let me just say i was not at my finest this past week as far as mood. i feel like the funk has lifted but in reading these verses it convicted me. what type of tone am i using when i interact with them? am i using my words to encourage them or bring them down? i'm finding, as a mom, that it is so easy to take my circumstances out on whoever is standing closest to me... and 99% of the time it is my little ones....
why is this the case most of the time? as a mom aren't i wanting to be a godly example to them? why is my tongue so hard to tame? in james it talks about the tongue and how it is hard to tame... is spouting off at my kids, or anyone for that matter what i should be doing? .. no, but boy is it easier than showing self control, love, patience, goodness, gentleness. it's easier to show anger than to have self control. i know that anger doesn't bring the righteousness i want. my whole goal as a Christ follower is to emulate the Holy Spirit and grow in my relationship with Christ. a.k.a-- be more Christ-like. this anger thing, the taming of the tongue-- has been difficult for me lately. but you know what? i've realized i'm trying to get a hold of this issue on my own accord.... and it's really getting me anywhere. i feel i should be able to handle this little thing-- my tongue, but am finding out that the outcome isn't coming anywhere close to where i want to be. i need the Holy Spirit to fill me and take control. I am releasing the reigns... i no longer want to be in control bc it is not giving me the outcome i desire.
Lord, fill me. help me to display the fruits of the spirit in my life... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and faithfulness... help me to not be easily angered. help me to tame this tongue of mine and be an encouragement to those around me. help my words and actions be pleasing to you.
*i'm hoping that in blogging this, those that are reading will hold me accountable. and that in jotting it down, it will remind me of person i am wanting to be... not who i am being right now.*